A Pastor Revisited .. or.. Inconvenient Thoughts
If I had my way I’d enter back into the ministry willingly without having to be forced into it.
Now, if I could just…
-Avoid the call I have to make to that mourning mother…
-Put off returning that missed call from my ‘Father in the Faith’….
-Delay sending that reply to that seeking, young man who said he needs Jesus, then MAYBE I’d have time to really think about what God wants me to do!
Yesterday, I was thinking about what it would take for me to take a step back into the ministry. For months (years) I’ve been avoiding my calling by wrapping it with noble pursuits…
-It’s time for me to step up & provide for my family.
-I can finally be the daddy who never misses a field trip!
-I’m inspiring leaders and have a platform to impact 1,000’s
And while all of these noble pursuits may accumulate a lot of ‘likes’ on social media (I mean, really, you should see my Klout Score!), they do little to sway the incessant prodding of the Holy Spirit.
Here’s my Struggle: I feel God wants to use me in a mighty way in full-time ministry and it’s time to take bold action.
But I don’t wanna’.
Honestly, I wear my faith louder than most, but I believe that I am compelled & commanded to do even more. From time to time I post boldly of my faith to social media, but only as a release valve when the pressure of conviction rises to high to bear. Fact is, I want to be liked .
I remember , just yesterday, wondering if I would ever just obediently step back into my role as a pastor because it was the right thing to do.
If history has proven anything it’s that I am a stubborn, sloth-like learner; disobedient & down right defiant at times. I’m a bride who must be swooned and won…again & again; a whore at times.
24hrs ago I pictured myself being called to do the funeral of one of my teens from back in my days of ministry. “That might jolt me back into the pulpit.”, I thought. God forbid it would take that for me to simply be obedient.
-And then, this morning, I learned that T.J. died.
-And I missed a call at 11pm last night from a spiritual mentor who could only be calling me for one reason.
-And I awoke to a totally unrelated message that hung, suspended in my inbox from a young man that simply read:
“Hey, I need help. Been away for too long…realized the only thing I need is Jesus cause nothing else is working. Deep valleys give way to low tides.”
So I ask myself now: What does, ‘entering back into the ministry’, even mean?
I think I’ll start with just taking action on these 3 things…Who knows…
Maybe I’m in full-time ministry already and only just now realized it.